I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
