I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
