piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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