Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
