I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
