my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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