god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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