I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ttyl tear gas
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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