i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
