you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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