There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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