Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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