if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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