They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
