Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize