were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
