I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
God, I missed his penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
