Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
