How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
