She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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