i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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