Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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