my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
