I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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