Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
