Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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