I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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