I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
