would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
