So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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