I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
