he wants to bone in the snuggie
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
