if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
