4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
