god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I only lived at night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize