I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
