i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
send nudes
from the living room?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
