he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Randomize
