She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
