it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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