I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pants are for mortals
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
