Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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