it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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