my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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