i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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