It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
