Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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