Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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