are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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