1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
