you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
