I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
