THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
