I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
