if i can run in heels then i can drive
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
