seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
