Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize