Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
