oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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