The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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