Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
