At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
