coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
