wrigley field is MILF paradise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
