Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
