so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
