I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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