You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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